96 Hours

Recently the most unjust, unimaginable and horrific thing happened over what was supposed to be a joyous holiday weekend.  It’s still so raw, fresh and my pain is definitely stil palpable. I made a promise to try and turn pain into purpose so here goes…

Blindsided. Targeted. Judged. Shattered. Separated.  Have you ever had to endure an experience so shocking it actually took the breath right out of your chest and shook you to the core of your being? I and my sweet, gentle, loving soulmate have just had to endure such an awful experience. I’m hoping by sharing our pain we might be able to help prevent others from having to endure such unnecessary grief.

Advocating for a child with complex mental health conditions is extreme, intense and exhausting ..even when things are going reasonably well. Many people just don’t understand the emotional and physical toll it can have on parents who must sacrifice so much of themselves, just to maintain the pace required to meet their child/children’s needs.

To those who have actually managed to gain access to the ever magical concept of respite and have turned it into a reality I offer my sincerest congratulations. As for the rest of us who are floundering to keep our family vessel from sinking into the stormy waters of mental health crises ..we need help! We are in the fight of our lives..battling against an invisible, relentless, ever present foe.

I’ve also made another critical promise ..to dedicate my life to advocating for my son’s needs and for other families whose children cope daily with mental health challenges. There is always much to learn and I wouldn’t ever consider myself to be an expert, although I was very proud of my accomplishments to date.

Then the phone rang.  In a few short moments our lives were completely turned upside down.   A stranger to me in a “professional” role was telling me I would have to be separated from my son for 96 hours until they could determine it was “safe” for him to be in our home.  My questions were not answered. My efforts to explain his challenges and the connection to making false, concerning statements fell on deaf ears. My plea to have a look at relevant medical and past information was ignored.

I have never felt so powerless , betrayed or disgusted in the entire nine years of my role as a parent. Years of hard work and advocacy to develop an effective support team for my lovely boy seemed to be completely disregarded. Such a devastating realization..it just didn’t count!

I think the tide is turning in our favour and in time we will heal from such a horrible ordeal. My little fellow is back in our arms where he rightfully belongs.  There are so many unanswered questions and layers of pain to sift through.  My power lies in being brave enough to write about such a horrific, unjust , unnecessary ordeal in hopes other parents will not have to share this experience.  Systems need to adjust their responses when mental health challenges are involved. This is sadly one example of  how families and parents can be unjustly crucified even when they have done everything right,  Parents have rights and should be treated with more respect. Period.

The irony is not lost on me that we faced one of our greatest challenges during the Easter weekend…parallels to the biblical crucifixion aren’t lost on me. I’m not sure of the significance if any but the timing speaks volumes.  I won’t stop until my questions have been answered and until I have some reassurance this won’t happen again.  Hold tight to those you love and those you can trust.

96 hours… Without his shining blue eyes, hilarious jokes or his little body snuggled up to mine, seeking the comfort only a mothers touch and singing voice can provide. Who knows how long it will take us to heal..but I assure you we will get there.